Skip to main content

娛人節新聞

用普通話拼音輸入法,輸入字詞的漢語拼音後便可選擇想打的字詞,由於鍵盤沒有Ü這個鍵,所以用V代表之,例如「女」字就以NV輸入。

為求與時並進,新版未來的普通話拼音輸入法將更貼近現代生活,例如輸入LV便會顯示「手袋、皮帶、手錶」等選項,相信會特別深受富裕階層歡迎。


* * *


某權威地下化學學會,決定將年度化學獎頒予發明提煉「餿水油」和「地溝油」(港稱「坑渠油」)的一眾無名化學家。該會發表讚揚辭,指出:

「隨着社會經濟發達,居民和各行各業產生的污水日多,對環境影響甚大,創新的治理方法是大勢所趨的。從廢水中提煉食用油,既可減少污水的排放量和毒性,亦體現現代循環再用的理念,而此行業的規模日益壯大,為各高校化學系畢業生提供大量就業機會,對減輕大學生的失業問題乃至對整個社會的穩定性作出重大貢獻!」

該獎頒禮將會在全國所有食肆現場轉播。


參考閱讀


* * *


香港某報專欄報導,某富貴議員最近外出吃飯有個既不尋常又不開心的經驗。

話說該議員某日想光顧其家附近一家新開張又人氣甚旺的小店試菜,點了80元菜,豈料結賬時發現錢包祇剩下一張廿元鈔票和一張信用卡!

剛巧他的手機無電,不能打電話給家人朋友借錢應急,小店又不收信用卡,情急下該議員哀求店主容許他賒賬,並保證以後多多光顧便是,但東主不賣他的賬,着他留下來洗碗碟三小時補償。

該議員本時威風八面,罰他洗碗他當然心有不甘,更何況是三小時!他便跟店主理論,店主也不是省油的燈,你一言我一語的吵起來,最後店主還斥喝:「我發工錢給員工,都是拿你的標準,你欠我60元,幫我洗碗三個鐘頭是天公地道,還有甚麼話好說,快去幹活!」

該議員拿他沒法,祇得忍聲吞氣,把西服脫下換過工作服,走進廚房,一杯一碟地洗起來。

很快這三小時差不多完全捱過去了,再加上該議員有飲食業經驗,很久以前也在廚房打滾過,再多的碗碟也給他洗得一乾二淨,總算鬆一口氣。這時店主昂首闊步走進廚房巡視,議員一見到他便問:「活幹好了,可以走了吧?」店主瞟了他一眼後,哼了一聲,便走到廚房的一角,拿了地拖遞給他說:「沒這麼便宜,剛才公佈最新行業調查,飲食業清潔員工的平均時薪跌至19元多,你還沒有做夠時間,那你就替我把地面拖乾淨才能走!」


參考閱讀


其他娛人節新聞:腦殘來港萬人迷棄英投澳(英文)、澳洲一夜變共和(英文)、有味報紙及其他(英文)


祝節日愉快!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

排隊和人潮 Queues and crowds

A restaurant chain well-known in Hong Kong called Tamjai specialising in mixian (a type of rice noodles) has been talking about expanding to Australia for several years. The vision has finally materialised when the first Australian branch was open in Melbourne CBD in 28th November. Wife, baby and I were already keen to try it out on its second day of opening. 說了多年的譚仔米線往澳洲擴張,到11月28日譚仔在澳洲的首家分店終於在墨爾本市區,一家三口在開張第二天便貪新鮮試了。 We waited for 1 1/2 hours since 19:00 before we got a table. Many passers-by were amazed by this queue and a lady even asked what the queue was about and whether it was indeed worth the wait. She said that the length of the queue had not changed since she last walked by 4 hours earlier! 由黃昏7點排隊等了一個半小時才可內進,其間不少行人對人龍嘖嘖稱奇,甚至有西人婦人說人龍跟4小時前一樣長,問我排隊的目的和米線值不值得吃。 Customers can customise their own mixian noodles by choosing the soup base and ingredients. At the base price, 2 ingredients excluding the more expensive, special ones are included. The special ones...

Czech it out (1) 捷克三日遊(1)

My ‘conquest’ to the east continues after spending Easter in Croatia. Over the Pentecost long weekend (10th to 12th May), three other friends and I went for a trip in the neighbouring Czech Republic. Driving was a handy option for the four of us, as the Czech Republic was not that far away (the distance between Prague and Munich is only about 400 km), petrol costs were more reasonable when shared by 4 people, and it gave us much more flexibility with where we wanted to go. 今年是我的旅遊「東進年」,復活節到過克羅地亞後,我和幾個朋友上個長週末(5月10至12日)前往鄰國捷克玩了三天。由於距離不算太遠(首都布拉格離慕尼黑也是400公里左右),四人同行,駕車不但不貴,而且要往其他地方玩玩也更方便。 The 400 km drive was quite bearable as we have chosen to make a few breaks en route. After stopping at the border for money exchange and purchasing a highway sticker, we headed for the city of Plzen and spent 2 or 3 hours there. We had lunch at the famous local brewery of Pilsner Urquell and tried some ‘local cuisine’. It turned out that the food wasn’t too different from the meaty, hearty German fare, but...

When autumn settles 秋高氣爽

Finally the weather has stopped being temperamental in October, and is giving us as many fine days as we ask for. The increasing chilliness in the morning air, however, is a reminder that beautiful autumn days like these don't necessarily last long! The weather was still rather warm for the first few days of the month. On 1st October, my colleagues and I took an early finish at work and went for the Oktoberfest. While it was not as jam-packed and crazy as the opening day , it was still not easy to find a table. We sat outside during the day time and switched indoors in the beer tent after dark. The atmosphere inside was simply infectious. We all entered a state of exhilaration in no time, as we saw a sea of people standing on the benches, dancing and chanting to the music of the band. It finally dawned on me how people could spend a whole day at the Oktoberfest. Beer, it seems, is the best form ecstasy for many people in Western societies! The cooler weather in the following weeken...