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娛人節新聞

用普通話拼音輸入法,輸入字詞的漢語拼音後便可選擇想打的字詞,由於鍵盤沒有Ü這個鍵,所以用V代表之,例如「女」字就以NV輸入。

為求與時並進,新版未來的普通話拼音輸入法將更貼近現代生活,例如輸入LV便會顯示「手袋、皮帶、手錶」等選項,相信會特別深受富裕階層歡迎。


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某權威地下化學學會,決定將年度化學獎頒予發明提煉「餿水油」和「地溝油」(港稱「坑渠油」)的一眾無名化學家。該會發表讚揚辭,指出:

「隨着社會經濟發達,居民和各行各業產生的污水日多,對環境影響甚大,創新的治理方法是大勢所趨的。從廢水中提煉食用油,既可減少污水的排放量和毒性,亦體現現代循環再用的理念,而此行業的規模日益壯大,為各高校化學系畢業生提供大量就業機會,對減輕大學生的失業問題乃至對整個社會的穩定性作出重大貢獻!」

該獎頒禮將會在全國所有食肆現場轉播。


參考閱讀


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香港某報專欄報導,某富貴議員最近外出吃飯有個既不尋常又不開心的經驗。

話說該議員某日想光顧其家附近一家新開張又人氣甚旺的小店試菜,點了80元菜,豈料結賬時發現錢包祇剩下一張廿元鈔票和一張信用卡!

剛巧他的手機無電,不能打電話給家人朋友借錢應急,小店又不收信用卡,情急下該議員哀求店主容許他賒賬,並保證以後多多光顧便是,但東主不賣他的賬,着他留下來洗碗碟三小時補償。

該議員本時威風八面,罰他洗碗他當然心有不甘,更何況是三小時!他便跟店主理論,店主也不是省油的燈,你一言我一語的吵起來,最後店主還斥喝:「我發工錢給員工,都是拿你的標準,你欠我60元,幫我洗碗三個鐘頭是天公地道,還有甚麼話好說,快去幹活!」

該議員拿他沒法,祇得忍聲吞氣,把西服脫下換過工作服,走進廚房,一杯一碟地洗起來。

很快這三小時差不多完全捱過去了,再加上該議員有飲食業經驗,很久以前也在廚房打滾過,再多的碗碟也給他洗得一乾二淨,總算鬆一口氣。這時店主昂首闊步走進廚房巡視,議員一見到他便問:「活幹好了,可以走了吧?」店主瞟了他一眼後,哼了一聲,便走到廚房的一角,拿了地拖遞給他說:「沒這麼便宜,剛才公佈最新行業調查,飲食業清潔員工的平均時薪跌至19元多,你還沒有做夠時間,那你就替我把地面拖乾淨才能走!」


參考閱讀


其他娛人節新聞:腦殘來港萬人迷棄英投澳(英文)、澳洲一夜變共和(英文)、有味報紙及其他(英文)


祝節日愉快!

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